I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
