I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
