is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
