At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
