After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
