i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
