I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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