driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize