I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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