She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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