He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
