Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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