woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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