New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
