Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
