She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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