I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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