So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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