shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
