I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
