I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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