Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
