Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
