I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
