Your face is a jimmy john
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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