2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
