matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
