I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
