so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
