he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
