my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
