I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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