This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
