Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
