She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
