Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
