planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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