oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
