great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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