"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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