uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
