his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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