It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
not ubering you a puppy
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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