i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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