I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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