I just threw up on my dentist
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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