I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
