i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
