If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
