using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
