Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
