Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
