wat bout pragnant strippers??
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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