What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
