if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
