I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
