the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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