oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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